SCARY UNDERNEATH: MIRANDA MONROE ON BEAUTY, LONGING, AND LOS ANGELES

My creative world was born out of a mix of things: boredom, loneliness, and longing. Although this sounds depressing, it has actually become a beautiful path for me to connect with others in a way that feels even more fulfilling than personal relationships often do for me. My work is as much a part of my life as a life partner would be, and has quite literally become a replacement for that, for now. I spent many days feeling lonely or being alone. My imagination and need to express have led the way all my life, sometimes in ways that weren't as pretty, but in recent years have found a way to come out that feels better and has even played a part in my healing. I feel grateful to have found community through shared experience, and even through some of my favorite music artists feeling inspired by my art.

World-building is essential to telling stories. I think the average person doesn't spend a great deal of time digesting art, so you have to throw the desired mood in their face and add a shine to it to even begin conveying something. But it's tricky, because if thrown in the audience's face, it needs to be tasteful and not too on-the-nose, or it won't evoke an authentic emotion when they look at it. It needs to be interesting and maybe a little eerie or funny to intrigue the audience, and then underneath that, it needs to come from a real emotional place. We are all connected by our hardships, our triumphs, and the things we felt when we were alone that we thought no one else felt.

Living in Los Angeles has opened the door to imagination in my work. When you think about the concept of living in Hollywood, it's hard to believe that opportunities to create your dreams are as available as they are, but it's true: you really can build a life directly from your imagination here. That said, Hollywood is also a place where, for many, dreams don't work out. There's a dark element to Hollywood that feels real and raw. Here we have people who are bold, ambitious, and talented, some of the most talented in the world, but we also have crushed dreams all over the place. That contrast makes it easy to tap into emotion: when the good feels insanely good, a loss turns that same lens into a whole different outlook, one that feels dark and empty. When you're winning out here, all your friends are winning, and the sun is out, it's euphoric. But when you suffer a loss and look around, things can feel superficial, and you may start to feel like all of the hard work isn't worth it, or feel lost and hopeless. I've experienced both of these perspectives. What is success? Is your most "successful" friend happy? So what is it, really?

When I'm modeling my own concept, as well as styling and creative directing, some things are much stronger and others are more challenging. I can't physically see myself, so styling adjustments are difficult and we have to make time for test photos so I can assess angles, prop positioning, and so on. But being my own subject is sometimes essential because most of my concepts are deeply personal and the emotions I want to convey are specific. I don't always share what inspires my work because of how personal most of it is, but maybe one day I'll make a photo book with my poetry, or something to that effect.

I think societal standards are interesting. What made us feel the need to create a status quo that we all must operate under? How much of it should we adopt, and how much of it no longer serves us? I like to think that we create our own worlds through our choices and actions. In my world, maybe the subject is a little bit scary underneath any consumable beauty. I find that interesting for the story.

As someone who struggles to regulate my emotions, I think most of this is a snapshot of how I feel. It doesn't matter how much you make things look pretty and perfect on the outside if you are not feeling good on the inside. The balance is achieved through realism, with only a layer of fantasy or stylization added to convey the mood of the subject to the viewer.

I spend a couple of hours every day searching for new art and artists. When I really like a piece of work, I reach out to let the artist know directly. Usually following that, we will meet and talk about life, see if we have similar goals or ideas, and then a friendship blossoms from that. Most of the people I work with, especially those I've done multiple projects with, have become my best friends. All of my friends are creative and love to make things. We all just send voice memos back and forth with silly ideas until one feels right. I have a concept bank of over 40 concepts that I'm ready to fire off whenever!

When I was little, I moved around a lot. I was the new kid almost every year and got to see the dynamics of different friends' families growing up. We always yearn for what we feel we don't have, and we always search to build what felt missing in childhood. I experienced running away from home fairly young, and then moved out and had to grow up early. I have a really close relationship with my dad, who has always believed in me and been there for me. I don't know what I would do without him. I have a wonderful relationship with my son, who is my whole world. The rest of my familial relationships have grown a lot over the years, and I love and care about my family very much. We are all people who are trying to figure things out, and that's what you learn as you grow up. It's hard to feel like you don't identify with traditional ideas of family, and it can definitely make you feel left out or like there's something wrong with you. But over time, you create a family for yourself in the community you build. This is a beautiful truth that should remind us how connected we all are.